Bringing Her Home

The moment we’ve been waiting for and talked about for months has finally come into reality. Except, not how we imagined. From the moment we left the hospital, she cried throughout the journey till we reached home. And the crying didn’t stop there. Her first night at home was a nightmare. We panic, I was stressed. Her cry was so loud that it scares me thinking if there was something wrong (eventually, that’s just how she cries. LOUD AND CLEAR).

She was latched onto me every time if all else fail to soothe her. To a point of time, my teat was so sore it bled. It hurts so bad but what option do I have? I can’t stop feeding her, can’t I? It’s easy to give up and feed her formula but that is not what I want. I already didn’t have my ideal birth, so not this one too. Here’s a list  of benefits of breast milk and why I choose nothing but breast milk.

It was frustrating that no matter how long I fed her, she still cries whenever I let her go. She just wanted to be close to me and feel the warmth from my body. The smell of my glands comforted her as it’s the same smell as the amniotic fluid. But I couldn’t take any longer. I broke down. I even suggested to Risdan to go back to the hospital at 1am.

It was mentally and physically challenging as at the same time I was also still recovering from a major surgery. Online forums and articles readings does help me a lot. Having experience it first hand made me realized that all mothers grudge are indeed what it is and can only be understood by another.

That was day 1. I had a rough start but things got better (for a while) as we got a lactation consultant to come to our house. Baby still cries a lot. What may work today, may not work yesterday or even the next day.

1 week old

3 weeks old

I was sleep deprived (still am), breastfeeding every 2 hours and a half, sometimes every 1 hour. There’s no day and night. By the time I get to do something else (house chores or send emails or even shower) I’m worn out. 1 hour sleep is considered a luxury. This is definitely harder than I thought.

Pump, feed, sleep, eat, repeat.


Where I am most of the time. I feed her and we both fall asleep.

Funny while I was pregnant, we planned to do a family photo shoot and the photographer we wanted to engage told us that the best time to do a shoot with/ for a baby is during the first few weeks. Heck, there’s no way we could do that now! I don’t even want visitors to come, what more being in front of the lenses with the baby crying most of the time. I admired the parents with a baby who could do a photo shoot right after birth.

Day by day went by, learning new things every day. If it wasn’t for Google, I’d go crazy. I’m blessed to have such an amazing husband who is very understanding and supportive throughout this journey. My sincere respect and hats off to all the single mothers out there who pulled it off single handedly. You guys are amazing!

“Successful mothers are not the ones who have never struggled. They are the ones who never give up, despite the struggles.” – Sharon Jaynes

Week 8


The transformation


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